Top Five Must-Have Bathtime Toys For Toddlers

There's nothing a toddler loves more than a bath. Unless you're forcing the issue, in which case no thank you.

Bathtime isn't just about getting clean. It's an opportunity for you to bond with your child in an uncomfortable position. Sitting on a rock hard, wet floor with your legs folded underneath you like human origami is fun. Are your arms and back screaming from pain or joy as you hunch over the tub? It's hard to tell because the sounds are so similar.

Make bathtime extra special for your blessing by introducing toys. Below are my recommendations.

Stick to them if you know what's good for you.

Top Five Must-Have Bathtime Toys For Toddlers 

1. Spout Thing

The top of this moves up and down. It's there to amuse you. Toddler, you'll have hours of fun making metal sounds but if you slip and break your face that's on you.

2. Tweezers

These aren't a bath toy, per say, but they are an integral part of making bathtime a positive experience. The world loves toddlers so much because we're a paradox. We'll don't mind sitting in our own poo but the sight of bath debris rocks our world.

Adult, use these tweezers to remove from the bath any hair or microscopic trash that may be making your toddler angry and uncomfortable. Get it quickly. This will require you to be alert and not on your phone. You don't know anyone on TMZ so stop.

3. Regular Toys

Grab an armful of whatever you can find from the family room. Toys that light up and sing do very well when completely submerged in liquid. Sometimes they get shy on account of seeing you naked and don't want to work anymore but be patient. You may notice that your toy is now filled with something called "black mold." This is no more harmful than artisan cheese. Carry on. 

4. Bubbles

More bubbles than this.

Whether you have parents who love you and buy real organic bubble bath or you're in my situation and your bubbles are made with Dial hand soap, these delicate ethereal spheres can elevate your bath experience significantly. Bubbles are good for concealing turds and experimenting with different looks (the Santa beard and the biker 'stache being amongst the most popular).

The most important thing to keep in mind when it comes to bubbles is that you don't have enough. You never can. Ask for more. Make your parent use their arm as a human agitator (pun totally intended because parents agitate toddlers).

5. Kitchen Stuff

Measuring cups, basters, tupperware with white buildup, large plastic spoons, things that look like a volcano...your kitchen is a goldmine for bath toys. Toddler, don't settle for just one or two. YOU NEED THEM ALL. Future dinner guests will enjoy knowing that the tools that made their meal were once floating in stagnant water not too far from an anus.

Fun Fact: 10 out of 10 toddlers would switch you out with grandma without even thinking about it.

Preorder my book- The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting (Coming to stores April 22, 2014)


Honest Toddler

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