Pinterest Hotdog Worms

Look at this.

A wise man once said, "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Exhibit A: This hotdog pasta deformation. Because who doesn't like eating food that looks like an infection? This looks like a close-up of something you'd be vaccinated against before a trip to the rainforest. Every time I see this photo my stomach turns (and I eat lint so that's saying something).

I know there's lots of confusion in the adult world over how and what to feed toddlers. I'll keep it simple: we like bread, unbroken/blemish-free fruit, symmetrical slices of crunchy things, cake, cookies, chips, candy, chocolate, and cheese in perfect similarly-sized cubes. Ice-cream, too.

Food that looks like it has been traveling through someone's tainted blood stream trying to attach to an organ is not necessary.

This "dish" literally looks like something celebrities would say they're working to eradicate. I had hand food mouth recently and this is what I imagine the virus looked like under a microscope.

Parents always say they're tired of us eating gross things. No park apple cores. No raisins off of the mall floor. No french fries found in the pediatrician's waiting area. But this is OK?

Toddlers, Pinterest has hypnotized our loved ones. If you're wearing a shirt made from a pillowcase right now, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't have any more crayons because they were melted on a canvas using a blow dryer you know what I'm talking about. If your mom is making the 800th chicken, rice, cheese casserole that you've had this month YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I said I'd come up with a plan and I will. Stay strong. Do not lose faith. Sleep very little.

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