Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Target CEO Application

Dear Target,

I heard you guys are in a tough spot and are looking for a new CEO. Please consider this my official bid for the position. My application is below. Thank you for your consideration. (I am sorry about what happened today, I was not aware of your pants-on policy).


 Name: Honest Toddler
Age: This many
Current occupation: Motivator, Personal Coach

Education: 

-None
-Wait, I did watch Sesame Street letters A-Z
-Super Why Seasons 1-4 completed
-Draws Often
-I held a pack of flashcards in my hand once but did not learn
-College. I mean Collage. I made a Collage with paper before. 

Skills: 

-Waking Up Early
-Making Meals Difficult
-Eating Garbage/Floor Food
-Resourceful
-Able To Detect Tap Water In Juice
-Able To Detect Vegetables In Meatballs
-Leadership
-Communicating With Animals/Nature (You can't prove I can't)
-Attention To Details
-Quality Control

Extracurricular Activities:

-iPhone
-Park
-Wow Wow Wubzy
-Grandma's house
-Big Bed
-Standing in Kitchen Asking About Dinner

Name your biggest strength: 

My leg muscles. Everyone I have kicked has had tears in their eyes. Adults and children friends, too.

Where do you see yourself in five years:

Hopefully I will have my own place and my own iPad. 

Name a time you made the best out of a bad situation: 

One time there were spices on my pizza in a restaurant. I wanted plain cheese pizza so I cried until I throwed up.


Thank you, Target. I know you are an equal opportunity employer so you are forced to read this under the penalty of perjury. I promise to be a wonderful, caring CEO to all my servants. love, HT

PS. I want to be paid in $10s an $20s

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Order- The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting.




http://www.amazon.com/Honest-Toddler-Childs-Guide-Parenting/dp/1476734771/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid= 

3 comments:

  1. Surprised you don't accept red juice as payment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please come to Australia, we need a new Big Boss at Target here as he is a mean and nasty man and needs a good talking to by someone who understands target, i.e. you. Also they stopped selling my favourite milkshake maker so obviously he's not doing his job properly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So, I ordered your book from Amazon, but it's taking forever to get here. I guess it's my fault for not having it overnighted. But, if I paid that extra shipping, then I wouldn't be able to buy my toddler a random toy, right? Any way, I'm hoping I can refrain from having a 'loud response,' but I make no promises! Love your posts!

    ReplyDelete

thanks - HT