Monday, May 5, 2014

Understanding Facebook: Blessed

Toddlers, understanding adults is difficult. Half the time they're talking nonsense about keeping your shoes on in Costco so you already know they like to talk crazy.

There are two kinds of English in the adult vernacular: Everyday English and Facebook English. Everyday English consists of letters that make up words to form sentences.

Facebook English is a jingle jangle of letters, pictures, lies, and anxiety. It's a complicated code that I am dedicated to helping you crack so that when you're an adult and assigned a mandatory account, you'll be ready.

The first word in Facebook English that we will learn is one of the most common.

1. #Blessed



In Everyday English, being blessed can be defined as experiencing divine providence or being endowed with good favor.

In Facebook English, #Blessed is an accounting term that adults use to keep track of expenditures. #Blessed helps categorize debits in a visual manner: vacation photos, jewelry, new homes, etc.

Paper receipts are useful but having photos of valuables in an online Facebook #Blessed file is critical for business.

Tax Person: "I see that you are claiming to have visited an exotic location with your family in the year 2013. What a liar you are."

Adult: "Now hold on just a second. Every moment from my trip can be found. Search my #Blessed file. It's all right there! Every single moment and meal are all there! I even filed them in #Blessed for you!"

Tax Person: "I am so sorry, esteemed colleague. I remember your #Blessed photos. My mistake."

Adult: "I forgive you."

Ways To Practice Being #Blessed

Toddler, you might not have a checking account to be #Blessed through, but you can practice using #Blessed in your daily life.

1. The next time you have a friend over lead them around your home. Each time you pass a toy that you like, touch it and say "BLESSED" with a hand over your heart and eyes closed.

Don't let your friend touch or look too hard at this toy because you're the #BLESSED one, not them.

Frequently asked question: Why does my friend need to be there? An audience is a critical part of being #Blessed because you're only #Blessed to the degree that they are not #Blessed.

2. Count your #Blessings. How many toys do you have with an estimated value of $25+? Take inventory even if it's just crudely drawn check marks on an empty cereal box. This will help you recognize how #Blessed you currently are so that you'll have a goal for how #Blessed you want to be in the future. It's good to have dreams.

3. Visit your grandparents. Spend time with your family. Play with your friends. Being with people gives them the opportunity to #Bless you with gifts and/or gift cards that can be used to purchase the gifts of your choice. Hopefully your blessings include gift receipts.

Community is everything. No man is an island. You have to at least be a peninsula with one arm out to receive #Blessings for your #Blessed File.

Good luck, toddlers. May you all be blessed.*

*slightly less than me

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Order my book if you want to be OK

1 comment:

  1. This made me LOL, mostly because it's so true!

    Next, I want to see HT's analysis of how an adult actual life and the life they describe on FB are linked only in that they are both lives someone might live...unlikely though the latter seems to mere mortals without exotic vacation pix. Possibly with a sidelight on how they work around lying being bad.

    ReplyDelete

thanks - HT