Friday, November 15, 2013

The Honest Toddler in Paperback

Good news for those of you failing your small children: The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting comes out in PAPERBACK on May 5, 2014.

Why is this good news? Paperbacks are generally easier to tear apart with your hands. Let's say you just learned your letters and want to read this book over several days. Rip the book into manageable sections and just take what you need on the go.

Bonus material: Many of you have emailed me with questions about your toddlers' normal behavior. If you'd like to see your questions and my unbiased answers published in the paperback, comment underneath this post with your pressing queries. The ones chosen will be published as bonus material. Only first names will be used to protect the innocent ( your toddler is the innocent. you are as guilty as they get).

This is your chance to be famous and for the whole world to see how much you're struggling.

Can't wait until May? Give someone you love the gift of reprimand this holiday season:

The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting on B&

The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting on Amazon

Example Questions for the bonus section:

"My toddler won't sleep in her bed, what should I do?" (Hint: You have to know which walls in your home are load bearing and own a sledge hammer.)

"Why does my toddler refuse to hold my hand?"  (Hint: You're an embarrassment.)

"I'm addicted to the smell of burning cheese but my toddler hates Pinterest casseroles. What's the solution?" (Hint: ♫ ba-da-da-da-daaaaaa I'm lovin' it ♫)

"It's cold outside and my toddler won't wear a jacket." (Hint: There are pills on the black market that make hair grow all over people's bodies so they can be like dog.)

"My toddler slapped me in the face." (Hint: LOL)

Get some more ideas from Facebook

Giving Back: For every book that is sold I will pretend to take one bite and then let the food fall out of my mouth.


  1. My child has meltdowns at just about every turn: he asks for cereal, he gets cereal, then pushes cereal away and starts screaming. This is the case with everything. He is 2 years old, and is also using his dagger-like fingernails as punishment against my tender skin for failing to give him cookies. Is this normal and what do/would you do in the situation (ie: punishment)?

  2. A good firm spank on the rear. It'll get through. You can't reason with a 2 year old.

    1. Oh anonymous - you literally just made me cackle out loud. Thank you for an oh so true reply.


thanks - HT