Wednesday, September 4, 2013

How To Get Kicked Out Of Preschool 2

How to get kicked out of preschool 1 <-- this is a link

This post is for both Adults and Toddlers. Whether you like Pretty Little Liars and Breaking Bad or you are just a pretty little liar who likes to badly break things, keep reading.

You may be asking yourself, "What is preschool?" These brightly-colored correctional facilities are the latest trend in parental abandonment. Despite charging millions and being a hotbed for gang activity, parents are rushing to be the first in line to enroll their children.

But my child can't learn without preschool! Studies have shown that Wow Wow Wubzy is full of educational scenarios. Lots of people who go to preschool still end up on World's Wildest Police Chases. There are no guarantees in life.

My dumb friend told me kids love it. 10 out of 10 toddlers will experience a beating in preschool. Your toddler will be beat in a race or a game. Winning is very important to children and these experiences harm their feelings big time.

I have a job and need to work for income purposes. There are numerous ways to earn dollars for your rent/mortgage/dos equis while taking care of your toddler at home.

Money Ideas


1. Collect recyclables as a family from neighborhood dumpsters. Turn then in and watch it begin to rain nickels.

2. Drug companies are always looking for healthy people to test their toxic pills. Some pay up to $7 per physical reaction.

3. Blood plasma is in high demand and it's right under your skin for added convenience.

You've convinced me, thank you. One problem...I've already given this preschool a security deposit and they only give it back if you're asked to leave.

I have Good News. Getting kicked out of preschool is fun and easy. Your toddler can help.

Toddler: Go to school. Memorize the following dialogue.

8:30 AM: Using the crayons provided, draw a picture of a bedroom. Your teacher will ask you about it (not because she's interested, they're trained to do this). Look calm and say, "It's your room at midnight." She'll say "What?" Respond with: "I've been in your house." She'll ask, "When?" Whisper: "You look pretty when you sleep." Kiss her hand.

9AM: These days everyone carries a water bottle. Find your teacher's bottle and hand it to her. Ask her to drink. After she does say, "That was a mistake bye bye." Smile.

9:07 AM: While your teacher is on the phone with poison control find a clean wall and furiously draw as many eyes as you can while screaming "MY FRIENDS WANT TO SEE US."

You should be home by 9:30 latest.

Parents, you can help!

1. Pack a lunch of beef bones for your child. When the teacher asks about it say, "My child loves marrow. All kinds so wear long sleeves."

2. Your teacher will ask if your child is potty trained. Lie and say yes. When your toddler goes through six pairs of borrowed emergency pants say, "Oh I thought you said NAUGHTY trained." Laugh loudly.

3. Bring a medium-sized lizard on a leash to school. Tell the teacher that you're preparing for end times by only letting your toddler eat what he can catch and to release the lizard 45 minutes before lunch time. Be sure to say, "Don't give him any snacks. The hunger helps him focus."

Enjoy your deposit and time as a family. PS. If social services opens a file on your family that's on you.

68 comments:

  1. Oh, funny stuff!
    Really throws me, though, how parents want a child, and yet have them spend 8-12 hours in a day care/ preschool facility....like children are accessories.

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  2. It really throws me how people can have zero insight into other people's lives and yet be so judgmental about how they parent.

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  3. Hilarious, love it! Thanks for making me laugh!

    And Cyn, a lot of parents don't have the luxury of being able to stay home, bills need to be paid. I really don't think that's treating your child as an accessory, it's paying bills, putting a roof over your childs head and food on the table, just sayin!

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  4. Gee, thanks, Cyn. In no way does my child's need for food, clothing, medication, education, or shelter impact my decision to maintain a career.

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  5. Well that was rude.

    HT, love the post!

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  6. Wow, first commenter with the Judgy McJudgerson tone. Really throws me how nice ladies get on the internet, read a lighthearted blog, and then make incredibly hurtful comments about other people's desire to be parents. There are just so many of us who don't deserve to have children. Your life must be wonderful. And I'm sure you're a great mom, since we all know kids love to be harshly judged.

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  7. And yes Ashley, TOTALLY agree, well put.

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  8. You just had to go there, didn't you. Let me guess, you were a parent back in the Stone Ages, if you're a parent at all.

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  9. Oh Cyn, so very judgmental and unchrist-like of you! ;)You keep putting down working parents on the Internet though if it makes you feel better. God knows its probably the only thing you have going on in your sad little life.

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  10. wow what an incredibly ignorant thing to say in such a genearlly fun & supportive environment.
    In day care/preschool, I have seen my daughter become an independent, loving, intelligent little girl who has grown in ways I could have never helped her grow in if I had quit my job to stay at home together. Just because I choose to work (which it's not much of a "choice"....) doesn't mean that I don't want my child or think she is somehow a disposible accessory. Quite the contrary - I think she is better off socially, emotionally, educationally by going out in the world every day and learning that she is her own person and not permanently tied to mom's apron strings.

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  11. It is ridiculous how some people think they need to work! Being with your child 24/7 is much more important than making sure they have food to eat or a roof over their heads.

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  12. It really throws me how you can be so closed minded. My daughter has been in day care since she was 1 year old (almost three, now). Why, you ask? Because I make money. I help support my husband by bringing in more income. Do you think that makes me a bad person? Is it also so bad to drop a child off at day care with people you trust, tell them you love them and to have a good day, allow them to socialize with someone other than myself and maybe (gasp) learn something in the process? Not everyone has the means to be a single income family. I am baffled by your ignorance.

    On the flip side, this entry was really funny and I really appreciated it! Keep it up, HT!

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  13. Loved the post, of course.

    I'm also going to start referring to my children as my accessories. They are better than any expensive handbag or shoes. I mean, I knew I was hot *before* having kids, but now that I'm prematurely grey, poor, sleep-deprived, and... er... fluffier, the guys just can't get enough!

    Cyn sure hit the nail on the head about my real motivation.

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  14. Staying at home is not a "luxury." It is a choice. My family has 1 car, no cable, we do not go on extravagant vacations. I watch children along with home schooling my own and sell handmade items for income as well as go to school at night and work in my church. I do not like it when people say that parents whose children are in care have "stuck" them there as if they are some how less than. They are not. I do not like it when people say that parents who stay at home are benefitting from some type of luxury as if all or even many stay at home parents are wealthy, do not work at anything, and have everything easy peasy. They do not.

    Everyone is fighting a battle. BE KIND.

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    1. This. Especially the last statement. Our family is very similar to yours. However, I do get to get out of the house twice a week (with my son in tow) & babysit but have to rely on others to get me there. I would love to work a full-time job but it would be impossible with one car. Even if I could, I likely would not get paid enough to cover childcare costs. Everyone chooses (or rather, their situation dictates) whether they can or cannot work/stay at home with their children and there is nothing wrong with either scenario.

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  15. The first commenter actually made me cry. I want nothing more than to be able to stay home with my son. But I also have to contribute an income to our household. My husband and I both have to work, because the fire department and EMS doesn't pay enough for either of us to be able to stay home. I always feel like I am not a good enough parent because my mother in law babysits him several days a week. Sor thanks Cyn for reireinforcing my low self esteem.

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  16. I was thinking the same thing. So I guess she believes that those of us who work for a living in order to provide for our families are bad parents. I guess I don't love my children nearly as much as she does because, *gasp* I'm not a stay at home mom!

    On another note, this post is hilarious! That first one got me. "You look pretty when you sleep." LMBO!!!! Priceless!

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  17. Don't feel bad Jennifer. I bet your son's face lights up when he sees you. I bet you are his favorite person in the world. I bet when something is wrong, he asks for mommy. Am I right? Sure I am. Because your love for him is not diminished by your absence while at work. It doesn't make you a bad parent. It makes you a human one. I'm a single mother of three beautiful children ages 11, 9, and 2. And they know without a doubt that they are my reason, my motivation, my everything. And your son knows the same.

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  18. Deni, I'm sorry if you took offense to my post. I AM a stay at home mom and have felt very fortunate to have been able to have had 3 years at home with my daughter. These years have been amazing but more work than any job I've had in past. I certainly don't feel that it's been an easy ride and it's had its ups and downs but wouldn't change a thing. I personally feel that it is a luxury, a lot of my friends would have preferred to have had this time at home with their children but financially were unable. I live in a big city with big mortgages and expenses.
    Sorry if my phrasing of the word "luxury" offended you, it was not intended that way.
    and ps, I AM KIND.

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  19. Don’t feel bad Jennifer. I bet your son’s face lights up when he sees you. I bet you are his favorite person in the world. I bet when something is wrong, he asks for mommy. Am I right? Sure I am. Because your love for him is not diminished by your absence while at work. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human one. I’m a single mother of three beautiful children ages 11, 9, and 2. And they know without a doubt that they are my reason, my motivation, my everything. And your son knows the same.

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  20. Don't let a hateful troll like that make you cry! My mother worked fulltime and I went to daycare as a child. I'm fine! My son is in daycare now too and we have a wonderful life. Don't let some Internet bully make you feel bad.

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  21. Wow ladies! I usually enjoy reading the comments about her posts but this was a disappointment. Lets all just try to take a deep breath and smile! We all have enough on our varied plates each day so why compare? How about supporting each other instead of feeding egos and ripping other women to bits?

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  22. You're right!. Please come pick up my baby from day care today. I'd much rather have a new accessory. Maybe a new watch. Ooh, or a nose-ring. Will you take older kids too? My straight A athletic 14 year old needs a good supportive nurturing home. I've got a 10 yo if you'll take the whole package. I leave my dog at home unsupervised all day. Please take her too

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  23. And living off government money is ok? Someone needs to work so theres tax money to pay for losers like you

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  24. First and foremost, this was by far one of the best articles! Secondly, I think what is meant are the parents who simply drop their kids off and then keep the teachers long long past their end time to take care of the child, every day, all the time, because the parent in question doesn't want them. There were one or two of them in the daycare I helped at. But not every parent who puts their child in daycare or preschool is like this. In fact, the variety that are like the unloving ones are so small tehy're almost nonexistent, as in you're not going to run into them unless it's part of your job description.

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  25. Relax. Apparently Megan was using sarcasm :)

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  26. Wow, why do people feel the need to turn fun blog posts/lighthearted environments into a battleground? Personally I think the post was hilarious and my son is not in preschool BECAUSE I work either. We don't have the choice of either of us being a stay-at-home parent since we cannot be a 1 income family. However, if we ever DID get that choice while my son is still preschool-age, he would STILL be in preschool because both my husband and I feel that it creates social skills and helps him just to be around other kids. He needs socialization outside of just his parents and baby sister. Also his school is not 8-12 hours/day as it is preschool. It is 2.5 hours/day and I purposely work from 4:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. so I can pick him up every day and work on Saturdays so I can make up for the hours I miss out on by only working 6 hour days during the week. I assume my children prefer to have a roof over their heads, lights, heat, air conditioning, cable, a phone, clothes, food... all of the things that our two incomes allow us to provide for them that we would not be able to afford on only one income. My son has been in some form of childcare since he was 1 month old and I believe it has made him less fearful, more outgoing, etc...
    On a lighter note, I do worry he's going to get kicked out of preschool- mostly because he has a habit of repeating EVERYTHING he hears lol

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  27. Calm down all. Working or staying home does not affect a child, it all becomes what you are used to. Rich kids get in trouble and poor children can make wonderful grown ups doing wonderful things. Backgrounds and homes can change and often so. It is teaching manners, gratitude or respect that affects a child not how many hours you have to stare lovingly into their eyes. I stayed home with my boys and I worked sometimes too, it is not your time, it is your example that matters no matter what the situation.

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  28. Cyn, We cant all be starving artists like you.

    I cant remember the last time I actually purchased an "accessory" for myself, and I certainly don't treat my children like such. I am not defined by my role as a parent, or my career but rather my role as a person.

    My children will grow up one day and wont "need" me the way they do now, and they wont live in my home, and at that point Ill be glad to have maintained other roles in my life that make me a person, and not just a mom.

    I would be ashamed of myself if I were you Cyn. You are a lonely, evil woman using the mask of the internet to criticize others. Take a look in the mirror- Im sure you will see an ugly reflection.

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  29. Well, I must be a complete disappointment! I'm a stay at home mom AND I send my 4 year old to preschool! 4 days a week for 4 hours a day! Sounds crazy I know, but I also have an 8 year old and I sent her to preschool too. She's in 3rd grade reading on a 6th grade level. I am able to volunteer at her elementary school and help with PTO fund raisers because of the few hours a day I am afforded I can do both. My 4 year old loves school, teaches me new games and songs daily. We now have new things to talk about and we actually miss each other a little. It takes all sorts of scenarios to raise children. We are all making the best choices for our families.

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  30. Cyn started it!

    Sorry couldn't resist :)

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  31. Yes because when I send my son to preschool it's because I'm simply tired of playing with him. 'You bore me, child! I don't care if you learn anything in a school specifically meant to prepare children your age for the school that I am legally obligated to send you next year, I just grow tired of your constant presence in my life. Off with you!' No reason for preschool other than the fact that this charm bracelet simply doesn't suit me until evening!

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  32. You are working too hard at getting kicked out. SImply lean over and bite who ever is sitting next to you. After three or four bites you should be home free!

    And if you sit your little butt on the potty, the parents won't have to buy diapers anymore and they will be able to afford to stay home and buy groceries and have money left over for more red juice!
    Note: you can still wet yourself if you strip off your clothes and stand in the grass or over the cat's litter box. Easy Peasy!

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  33. Seriously? The mommy wars have to come over to HT? Get over yourself Cyn, must be nice to not need a paycheck but the rest of us are doing the best we can and love our kids just as much.

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  34. Yeah, thanks. Like all of us have the money to not work. Must be nice to live up in that ivory tower. My child is my whole life - the center of it. I adore him, but I have to work to feed him, clothe him, and pay his medical bills.

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  35. Are we sure the first commenter was serious? Maybe she was being facetious and mimicking the tone of the Honest Toddler humor? Like how HT sometimes says things like "Parents say they love you but then make soup for dinner". IDK that was my original take on the comment....

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  36. Was this really the time and place for this old debate? Get over yourself. Not every one has the choice to stay home. Period. Worry about yours, and I'll worry about mine.

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  37. Thank you very much, like I don't feel guilty enough every single day dropping my kid off at day care. But she does love heat and food, so I guess I will continue the guilt.

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  38. I'm going to go with first commenter was serious, especially since she hasn't come back to say "hey it's a joke." It would be a joke in poor taste (and poorly made) in any respect. Since she was likely serious: God forbid I continue working to help my family with finances and to have, you know, a career too. Just because I have children doesn't mean my life stops until they're 18 or 25 or some other arbitrary age. Likewise, just because I have a job and my son goes to daycare does not mean he is an "accessory." And for those saying don't make this a battlefield, tell it to Cyn. There is no reason other people have to let her ignorance stand alone, or let her ignorance make other parents feel guilty or depressed.

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  39. Exactly. I send my kid to daycare so that I can provide her with things like heath insurance and eventually a college education. Despite the fact that she spends 8 hours a day in daycare, I am still her mother. Nothing would ever change that, and she is not an accessory to me. Why do mothers have to continuously judge each other's choices? You don't know my whole story, and I don't know yours. *Most* of us are doing what is right for our kids, however that may look to an outsider.

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  40. Sadly, many toddlers BEHAVE like accessories. Socialization, empathy, following rules, using your words, numbers & letters, not eating the playdoh--these are not pants or shirts. They are accessories. Preschool accessories.

    What happened to people going off and working the coal mines AS A FAMILY? Together. Like overalls.

    Stupid modern times where children are schooled by trained, caring professionals in playrooms full of toys and educational activities. Even if your kid wears overalls while he's doing this, it's still being an accessory.

    Because unless a child is dangling off your arm like a purse, he's an accessory.

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  41. Cyn, hon. On August 22nd, you shared a really great video on your facebook page about accepting others and showing love toward others. Where's the love in your post? eh? Lighten up. Don't judge.

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  42. It's way easier to get kicked out of preschool than that! Not to brag, but I've been enrolled at six different preschools in the past 16 months.
    The problem is that there's no inter-preschool database that shares your behavior records, so your 'rents can just stick you in the next Happy Dungeon or Little Monsters Academy down the street.
    Here's a few of my exploits that have worked:

    -biting friends' parents
    -kicking other classmates in front of their parents
    -taking the back lid off of a toilet and throwing it across the room (shatters nicely)
    -calling your teachers (male and female) "Mister Peanut" or shouting, "Hey, Frickers!"
    -saying "shut up!" repeatedly
    -teaching your friends to do all of the above

    I sense that I'm at the end of my educational career and soon I'll get to stay home because my mom always points out people on the side of the road holding up signs. She asks me if I want to do that instead of going to preschool and I say, "Sure, Frickerzzz!"

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  43. The grownup in your life's outfit just isn't complete without a booger.

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  44. You really didn't need to slam stay at home parents to make your point. We all make the best decisions we can for our families. Sure, Cyn posted something that was both rude and out of touch, but you chose to also jab stay at home parents in your post. I do have a choice as to whether or not I want to stay home and it doesn't affect our finances. I know how lucky I am and use that energy (and my experience as a college professor) towards educating my kids and teaching them to be independent and curious. Don't assume that all kids raised in a house where one parent is with them full time are "tied to their mother's apron strings."

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  45. AGREED. I am a stay at home mom for largely financial reasons (childcare costs about as much as my paycheck as a teacher) and it's as much a "choice" or "luxury" for me to stay home as it is for a mom to "get to" have a career because she has to bring home a paycheck. We're all making the best of what we've got.

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  46. I completely get why everyone would be offended by Cyn, however most of you are being rude and hateful towards stay at home moms. I have 2 kids and stay home. Mine won't ever go to preschool though. They will be home schooled (secularly). As soon as my husband is done getting his second BS and then his Masters (done 3 years from now), I'll be going to school to be a pharmacist. At that point, I may not keep homeschooling my kids. Its pretty upsetting to see comments from both ends of the spectrum since I plan to visit both sides. :(

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  47. Look what you did HT! You made all the parents fight on the internet and ignore their children! How many cookie jars have been broken into, I wonder...

    What did my mummy always say? "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

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  48. Oh Cyn, you BET my kids are accessories. For this 40something year old mom, they keep me looking young and fresh as they nip at my ankles. On a serious note, let go of the judgment and supports moms whether they stay at home, work, or do a both. It's a tough job and a little love goes a long way.

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  49. Do not worry about those critical parents. Just keep doing your job, sending your child to preschool where they will excel beyond all other students, go through high school with straight As and get lots of scholarships to great colleges. In turn, keep working at your job, paying into a pension plan. Retire early and help care for the grandchildren that your very intelligent, successful offspring will have one day. Life will be good and then we'll see who's sorry they didn't take their child to preschool.

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  50. And, remember, this site is all in fun and should never become one of name-calling.

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  51. HT - that's hilarious, gave me a much needed laugh....

    Cyn - why did you have to spoil it!?

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  52. Staying home with your child is not a luxury, in any way. I chose to give up a great career to stay home with my child, why? Because of the cost of daycare, because i dont want someone else raising my child. Sure, our financial situation isnt as great as it was but we chose to sacrifice the superficial needs of today to make sure WE raise our child.

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  53. I don't think Kim was slamming stay at home moms. It sounds like she was speaking specifically to her daughter because she referenced her. If I were talking about my son I would say the same thing, my other two kids not so much. Lol. Take it easy on her. But the first poster was definitely being presumptuous and rude with that generalized comment.
    ******you look pretty when you sleep, <------- I almost choked!!

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  54. Although I believe she was serious, I have to APPLAUD your ability to see good, give the benefit of the doubt and overall keep a positive mind. We should all do this especially when reading comments online.

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  55. Well Tpen I didn't mean to offend anyone in my post but in "MY" opinion and situation it is a luxury. I AM a stay at home mom and feel very blessed that I was in a financial situation where I could do so. A number of my friends would have liked to as well but weren't in a financial situation to do so.
    No one is saying it's an easy job, it was tougher than any job I've had in my career but in MY opinion it was a luxury that I could stay home and not worry about finances for 3 years.
    Not trying to offend anyone, ease up, we're all on the same side.

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  56. agreed and not sure why everyone is turning on each other......
    a lot of anger out there, day is over, I'm going to have a glass of wine, cheers!

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  57. Cyn- My kids are my world; thanks for asking! I spend every moment I can with them when I'm not at work. Nights and weekends are solely devoted to them to the point where it has been many months since I've gone out with my husband or friends.
    I have to work to put a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. My kids are not accessories. They are the reason I work as hard as I do! If you are offering to pay my bills, I'd be more than happy to stay home with my kids. Feel free to PayPal me funds every two weeks!

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  58. C U Next Tuesday, Grandma. You can pay for rent and food.

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  59. I LIKE working. My child has a better life because I work outside the home. I believe one of the best things I can do as a parent is model and reinforce a strong work ethic. So don't judge me Cyn, because you have NO right.

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  60. Hey Cyn, sorry all those other mommies bashed you to bitty bits for pointing out a segment of the parenting population. Folks have kids and then drop them off at daycare claiming that they have to earn a paycheck to pay bills. Like the cable bill, going out to eat 7 nights a week bill, fancy new phone bill, new clothes bill, new car payment, house bigger/newer than they really need bill, and various and sundry other bills. Never mind that their kid only has one mommy and daddy and no amount of Hanna Anderson or Montessori will ever replace those two people and their importance in the child's life.

    Carry on Cyn. The haters hate because they feel guilty for leaving their children with strangers.

    Oh, and one last shout out to those haters: it's the 21st century. If you haven't figured out a way to work from home using the computer you're reading HT on, you apparently haven't tried hard enough.

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  61. lorrie now a grandmaSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:28 PM

    children as accessories? I wish I had known that! I raised my two daughters as a single mother, had to work full time because I wasn't paid child support and didn't make it an issue. daycare was dropping them off at his mothers house with the other hundred grandkids. I reminded my daughters often that they could be anything they wanted when they grew up, but they better be useful to mamma. now I have one with a degree in economics and is an attorney, the other is a pastry chef with a business degree and a registered nurse. I think children should be useful in the long run, better than a trendy accessory. and they still know my name after all those years I was away at work....

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  62. lorrie now a grandmaSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:35 PM

    now, remember we have to socialize them when young, just like our pets. that way when they grow up, they can make their way through the world without snapping and clawing when faced with a new situation or others like themselves. it's our duty to raise them as friendly and good natured, not cooped up and easily frightened.

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  63. This post was awesome until my eyes alighted on the Comments section. Everyone, STFU. I won't even comment on which life situation I have. People are ridiculous. HT is hilarious. Get over yourselves, even the side I strongly agree with, and move on.

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  64. This made me giggle, and the suggestion to sell blood or sign up to medical trials actually made me feel a little better about my decision to return to work at the end of the month. Then Cyn's comment made me feel crappy again. See I've managed to scrape by and take the 6 months since my baby was born off work. I was fortunate enough to have a spring baby so I've not had to put the heating or lights on, I'm getting by on one meal a day which has causes the baby weight to drop right off, and my daughter really is a fabulous fashion accessory in her hand me down clothes. But I can't help thinking that with winter on it's way she might be better off in a nice cosy, warm daycare instead of in a cold house. And then I can work and afford to heat the house in the evenings and weekends; and maybe even go all out and buy her a brand new winter coat.....cos I couldn't possibly have my baby in a summer vest in winter, that's so last season dahhling!!!

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thanks - HT