Morning Translator

This post is for Toddlers Only (TO). If you would ever waste strawberries in a salad and cite "summer" as an excuse, please find something else to do close by.

Mornings can be a confusing time for small children. While it's normal to wake up between 4-5:15 looking for companionship, the adults in your life may seem resistant. To the *naked eye, it may even appear as if they have mixed feelings about seeing you. Sadly, before 8AM it's common for tired parents to look at their beautiful toddlers like suspicious moles. Their behavior is due to a combination of diminished life force and laziness. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL.

I've translated the AM communications of adults using tools I don't have the time to explain. You'll see that behind the offensive pre-dawn communications of adults is an old but good heart that actually does want to make you happy.

*it's fine to be naked

Parent Morning Translator


What they say:

"It's 4 o'clock. You'd better be a hologram."

What they mean:


"Good morning! I'm excited to see you."


What they say:

"What the...why are you awake?"

What they mean:

"Good thing you're here- I was bored! Can I pick you up?"

What they say:

"This can't be happening again."


What they mean:

"Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on meeeeee oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, hide behind that treeee! Yay!"

What they say:

"You are soaked in urine."

What they mean:

"Why are you still standing there? Get in my sheets for snugglin'!"

What they say:

"Give me a minute."

What they mean:

"I need motivating. Touch my face."

What they say:

"Go back to bed."

What they mean:

"Go get some bread."

Important Note: "Bed" and "bread" are brother words so your caregiver is giving you the green light to help yourself to food. You've pushed a chair up to the counter before, yes? Do it again now and look for the long bag. The plastic is thin so you should have no problem opening it with your teeth and claws.

What they say:

"Wait here. I need to use the bathroom."

What they mean:

"I need you now more than ever."

What they say:

"What would you like for breakfast? We have several pieces of ripped bread."

What they mean:

"Help me remember the recipe for waffles by crying."

--

Talking is hard. Listening is next to impossible. When you make the effort to hear, really hear your adult, mornings will go smoother than they ever have before. Signs that you're doing it right include seeing a parent quietly weep into their coffee (for attention, they're fine). Have a wonderful long day!




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