Hi Rudolph,

How are you? I know I've never reached out to you before but I just wanted to say that I think being different is wonderful. I've been learning about you, Rudolph. That thing with your nose. I think it's cool. I hope it's not a symptom of something wrong in your body, though.

I just wanted to ask something really fast...has Santa...has Santa said anything about me lately? Mentioned me? Remember how all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call you names? They never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games? Well something similar actually happened to me so you and I, we're like family. Except it wasn't another reindeer it was my mom.

Sometimes she gets confused and lies about me.

Your story is very inspiring and I think it's safe to say that you beat the odds.

Rudolph, you're probably training pretty intensely right now but I have a very small favor to ask. You know where the the list of childrens' grievances/honest mistakes are, yes? I need you to make sure Christmas will be a good day for me by going into Santa's office and eating it. I know you are half dog half goat so please don't act like this is the first time you've eaten paper.

I am a good child and every day I try my best. Let me ask you something. Where was Santa when the other reindeer were making life hard for you? Probably sitting on his throne with his elves and his gold. Bottom line he didn't protect you, Rudolph, and now you have the chance to protect a toddler who like you just wants a chance.

There's at least six baby carrots with your name on them if you do this for me. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Don't call my home phone. It has recently been placed out of reach.

I love you day in and day out. The only reason I'm not being a Rudolph for Halloween is because I already have a real hero costume but maybe next year no promises.

xoxo HT

PS. Are you immortal.

*Santa if you're reading this for some reason even though this isn't for you and that's mail fraud I haven't sleeping well lately and I am delirious. Where am I?

You Look Prettier When You Smile

Dear mama,

It's not your birthday but this poem is for you. It's just something to think about. Nobody's perfect.

love, your HT

You Look Prettier When You Smile

Thanks for coming last night

It's nice to know someone cares

My blanket was twisted

And I thought I heard bears

You whispered promises and threats

For, LOL, quite a while

But next time remember

You look prettier when you smile

There's no need for scowls

When I need midnight water

Dehydration's a thing

Weren't you once a young daughter?

Please bring the right cup

I could drain the whole Nile

Relax your face, mama

You look prettier when you smile

What's that in the hall?

It smells bad and looks fudgy

Was it caused by a child so beautiful and pudgy?

Why name names? Let's move on.

The poop's deep in the tile

Grab the Lysol but keep in mind

You look prettier when you smile

I was dressed head to toe

Despite putting up a fight

We wrestled with pants

It took all of your might

Now my clothes can be found

In a haphazard pile

Are you mad? Hey mom:

You look prettier when you smile

You are my angel day in and day out

But angels don't swear and they definitely don't shout

So when we're together and I do something vile

 Keep the crazy eyes in check

You look prettier when you smile