Animals

Animals are wonderful things. Do you have one in your home? You are very lucky. I had a cat but it decided to live somewhere else and jumped out the window. It seemed in a hurry. Cat and I had our differences but overall we were the best of friends and he loved me.

I also had fish but they both died. We could point fingers all day but the blame game will get us nowhere. The most important thing is that no one was hurt. Except the fish. They're dead.

You may have heard your parents say that animals are not toys. This is not true. They are toys but toys who can die. Because I'm a giving person by nature, I want to share what I know to be true about creatures.

Cats

Things cats love: hugs, kisses on the nose, holding hands, sitting in boxes with you, being trapped and more hugs. If you're chasing a cat, run fast and make a ruckus. Cats like to play hide and seek. Find them even if it takes all day. If a cat bites you with its hands or teeth, it cannot be trusted and needs discipline.

Cats are show-offs and will take every opportunity to rub it in your face that they are potty trained. Take no mind.

If you have a brush or comb, groom your cat. If you don't, just use a lego or slice of bread.

Dogs

Dogs love kids. Stranger dogs exist. Don't touch them because they might be wild and scream in your face or worse. If you have a dog in your home, good for you. Dogs, much like horses, love giving free rides. Check...does your dog have a tail? It will only grow if you pull it. Dogs love to share their water and food. Help yourself. In return, please share your food if you don't like it.

Fish

Fish are quitters with weak spirits. They do not enjoy juice or hugs. If you feed a fish too much, dead.

Ants

These are the only pets that we intentionally kill. Stomp away. Do your worst. They're spicy.

Snakes

Stop lying, you don't have a snake.

Owls

Owls are evil and haunted. If you have one, kill it with fire.

One day I will write a book about animal care. Until then, use the above guide. The #1 thing to remember about animals is that they need love and to know who is boss. Enjoy!